In the year of 2006, the hit Nintendo video game “Wii Sports” was released to the public as a free extension to the Nintendo Wii. The seemingly simple video game ended up becoming a cult classic phenomenon and is widely considered one of the best video games to be released to this day. However, the game’s popularity has largely died out in recent years.
Despite the game’s stark drop in popularity, one Liberty High School teen has been found still on that “Wii Sports grind”.
Senior Ryan Turner was found in the library late at night playing Wii Sports bowling on the projector screen. When he was confronted the next day, he stated,” Oh yeah, I’ve been camping here every night since my first day as a freshman.”
Abby Saburo, a new janitor at the school, stated,” I was gonna kick him out, but he was lowkey frying the CPU in baseball, so I let it go.”
The Wii Sports guru has a variety of achievements, as Turner has scored a perfect 300 in bowling, gone pro in tennis and hit bombs in baseball. However, the most impressive feat of his career is beating Matt from Wii Sports in boxing.
“It took months of dedication and mental preparation. Matt’s face flashed through my head while I was asleep. I couldn’t let down the fans,” said Turner.
It is unclear what fans he is talking about, as the library was empty, and Turner refused to elaborate.
What seems like a silly game to some is a competitive lifestyle that a growing teen requires for others. Turner stated, “Everybody out here says they play sports. Me? I play Wii Sports. There’s no one better than me out there. I challenge anyone to try to knock me out in boxing. I will piece you up.”
Turner attempted to submit himself as the Liberty High School athlete of the year, but claims he was rejected for “not playing a real sport.” In response, he stated, “It’s an absolute travesty. Sure, I can’t dunk, but I hit straight birdies in Wii golf. I’d like to see Steven McCallister do that.”
Turner claims he’s the only one who still plays Wii Sports for the “love of the game,” and encourages teenagers to spend less time on homework and more time on Wii Sports.
According to Turner’s Wii Sports sources, the number of Wii Sports players is decreasing rapidly. Children born from 2015 to now are alleged 67% less likely to have played Wii Tennis: “It’s a travesty. It’s like losing an art form; the world will be empty without it. I will make it my mission to recreate a culture of Wii sports players in today’s society.”
In a closing statement, Turner stated, “It’s important to prioritize what is important in life. Not family, friends or wealth. Instead, focus on a video game from the best console created in the early 2000’s.”
