For many millennia, members of the Sioux bloodline have passed down the truth of the world’s top elite. A treat that would rival that of a certain set of files if released. Today we have with us Heismay Sioux to tell us about his family’s truth. This is Krystal White from Peak Press, and you’re not watching Disney Channel.

*Sick guitar Riff*

K: So, Mr. Sioux, you said you’re here to blow the whistle on… Lemur people?

H: Yes, ma’am, these lemurs have been the core of our society since 2012.

K: 2012…

H: The Mayan Calendar ended that year, predicting the end of the world. While they were wrong about some of it, an apocalypse did indeed start. Members of the top 1% were replaced with secret lemur people. And as the days move on, more and more people are being replaced by disguised Lemur people.

K: And this is a real thing?

H: Funny, you say that. Did you know that a group of lemurs is called a conspiracy? It’s the perfect cover-up, and way too many people ignore the ties between them.

H: The Lemur people have actually been here longer than 2012; the bloodline has stayed small. Now, just being touched by a Lemur person turns you into one, and you’d never notice. You could be a lemur, I could be a lemur, all of us could or could not be lemurs.

K: Is there anyone we can confirm are lemurs?

H: Yes. Many of them are famous for being assassins, such as Lee Harvey Oswald. Scapegoat, the lemurs killed JFK. Henri Paul?  A lemur person, he killed Princess Diana as a sacrifice to the Lemur lord.

K: Lemur Lord?

H: His name is Risotto, and he lives in a secret bunker hidden underneath North Sentinel Island. It’s so well hidden that not even the natives on the island know about it.

*Knocking*

K: Ok, so what about the rest of the roy-

K: HEY HEY HEY WHAT THE HE-

*Signal Cuts*

Drawing of Lemur people submitted to us by Heismay Sioux: